Perpetual Flux

With the end of this month drawing to a close, I can officially say it has been the most unique month of my life. As the title suggests, I have been living in a state of perpetual flux. A period of completely unstructured time, and even less responsibility, has lead me to essentially have had the world in my hands. This thought is the lighter side of my psyches recent experiences, and what I deem the cause of some of my highest highs. But as the saying goes, “With the highest highs come the lowest lows.” Seemingly endless time, has recurrently left me fully isolated and submersed in my thoughts; deep thoughts inherently lead to realization and conclusions. Not all of which I have come to have been pretty, or exactly spot on.

In the middle of summer, a romantic relationship I cherished more than any I have found myself in before, came to a close. Not because of any negative feelings or wrongdoings, simply because of geographical distance. “Man’s Search for Meaning’ by Viktor E. Frankl, is the novel I am currently using to entertain my outlook on life. Frankl, a Jewish psychologist authored this chronicle after a stay in, then liberation from, Auschwitz. His main point is “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” His “whys” are work, dignity, and love. Although my thoughts for weeks were filled with doom and gloom from rather compulsively missing the aforementioned, rewarding experiences, Frankl’s wisdom, and getting back in touch with flying solo carried me through my sad period and I am now feeling refreshed and as independent as ever. :]

In this past month, I have had periodic conversations with family members more or less about self-confidence. One of them repeatedly mentions her wish of obtaining more. As some of you know, I am a talker, and thoroughly enjoy sharing advice when I see the opportunity to do so productively. This nagging, unfulfilled wish of hers got me thinking. Self-confidence is not a stagnant concept. It is a quality that must be built, it is something that must be continually fed to obtain. Break-ups, especially from super fulfilling and wholly good relationships, undoubtedly lower emotional morale and provide space for soul-crushing pity parties, trust me I know. But the doors that open when you are done crying are massively opportunistic. They allow you to truly discover your “why,” unconditionally influenced by anyone else.

Another interesting complex I have transitioned to is being the youngest in social groups I find myself in, rather than the oldest. This has given me insight on the “real world” so to speak. Being constantly surrounded by people your own age puts being an adult on a pedestal of sorts, it turns adulthood into this goal we are all constantly striving for but also gravely dreading. I have come to realize that in almost every sense of the word, I am an adult. I always thought people were constantly changing until they became who they were. I now understand that some people developmentally have stopped and will be forever content with stagnancy and that some people will never stop their quest for personal growth. I hope to be one of the latter!

Now, for the lighter side of things! Throughout these past 30 days, (roughly) I have been lucky enough to do odd jobs for lots of my parents’ friends. I have done everything from minting coins and squeezing farm-fresh honey-aid, to landscaping. For me, waking up and getting to do something very different than what I did the day before, every single day, has been super fun! I love meeting and working with new people. Everyone has something to offer and there is a lot to learn through one-on-one conversations with strangers; be it interesting facts, fun places to dine, or perspectives on living a good life. 

Through one of these fun encounters, I was able to experience a concert like no other I have ever been to. I served chips and dip for the MoRub tent, at Simnon Estes amphitheater in Des Moines during a Michael Franti concert. I have heard Michael Franti many times before, I even have some of his music saved on Spotify. Prior to seeing him live however, I often skipped these songs when they popped up on shuffle. There is no way I will ever do that again. Michael has catchy, feel-good tunes, but during his performance his radiant love and beauty were so overpowering that the ambiance literally brought me to tears!!! It was a spiritual experience that moved an entire crowd of strangers to hug each other. To witness and be a part of it was amazing. I knew some force had brought me to the right place at the right time when he dedicated a song to everyone who wanted to work toward saving the rivers, lakes, and oceans! It was a magical experience and a catalyst in ending my slump.

Life lately has been interesting to say the least, and I know with my upcoming trip to Rhode Island and big move approaching, my state of perpetual flux will be off the charts! But I am excited to have and share those adventures, so keep your eyes peeled for another post soon! I have attached links to a book discussion on the book I mentioned, “Man’s Search for Meaning,” a link for Michael Franti’s website in case you are interested in learning more, a link to the MoRub site because you gotta help your people out and their products are absolutely delish, and a link to the images of Simon Estes because it is a beautiful place!

Until Next Time :]

Book: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4069.Man_s_Search_for_Meaning

Michael Franti: https://www.michaelfranti.com/

MoRub: https://morub.com/

Simon Estes Ampitheater: https://www.google.com/search?q=simon+estes+amphitheater&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjo-Ouu5PrVAhUq34MKHcpCCXgQ_AUICygC&biw=1295&bih=747

P.S. If you would like to be on my list of people that receive sporadic postcards, comment or message me your name and address!! 

Back at it!

I have decided to resurrect my study abroad blog. Partly, because I’m quite fond of the alliteration and catchiness of GracerinoGoesGlobal; although I am planning on having many more global endeavors. Partly, because I am preparing to embark on an arguably bigger journey than my trip to Africa. This time I am only travelling 1,551 miles. But, when I arrive I intend to begin an entirely new chapter of my life, and to continue writing it until I feel I am ready for the next. J

For quite some time, thoughts about re-vamping this thing have been floating around in my head. The other day while driving through the rolling hills, watching the sun set on seas of golden corn stalks, I was feeling particularly touched by the beauty of the Midwest. I was basking in the bittersweet-ness of my short month left in Iowa. Simultaneously a feeling of sadness about leaving everything I have come to call home showered upon me, but a stronger, unshakable excitement about my upcoming escapade arose within me. In this moment, I was undoubtedly sure that I should in fact re-vamp my blog!

So, for all of you who have not yet heard my big news, here it is:  I AM MOVING TO SOUTH FLORIDA IN A MONTH!!! When I arrive, I will be taking yacht crew certification classes, returning to Florida Seabase to become a certified Scuba instructor, then working on a privately owned yacht. Upon sharing this news with friends and family, numerous people have replied with something along the lines of “Wow, that is the most grace thing you could do.” It turns out this statement is right on the money! When I began my job search, I spent almost every night for what seems like a month mindlessly scanning through job hub sites, reading descriptions of jobs I didn’t want to do, coming up with various justifications to settle for one of them. One cool summer night, after walking around Iowa City with my good friend Molly, and feeling particularly nostalgic, I had what felt like an epiphany. My next step became crystal clear to me. I knew where I was going and what I was doing, following my heart to one of the places it’s been the fullest.

Today I was reading an article in PADI’s monthly magazine. (PADI is the diving organization I have obtained almost all of my diving certifications through.) The following is a statement I resonated with perfectly. I thought I would share it with all of you, to make my motivation for pursuing a professional trajectory in scuba diving a bit more understandable.

“We do what we do because we fell in love with the aquatic world and its wonderful creatures, so we support global efforts to preserve and restore the oceans’ health. We do what we do to protect marine animals, to participate in efforts to document and protect marine biodiversity. We do it for people and community, to integrate diving with local communities and train them to value, protect, and benefit from healthy marine ecosystems. And we do it for health and wellness, by using diving to heal people physically and psychologically.” –John Kinsella

I realize the path I have chosen is not the most conventional, and if my parents had not become so accustomed to my fierce independence, I am sure they would be worried about me too. But they are not. Nor am I, I am enlivened and ready for whatever comes my way. I am excited because I know there is so much I don’t know about what my future holds. And I realize everything will not always be as peachy as it is now in my romantic, pre-informed projections about what post-grad life in Florida will be like. But having a way to share my thoughts about life, funny stories, and life-changing experiences, with my ginormous fan base (by this I mean my six frequent readers,) makes the potential rough patches slightly less daunting.

While I feel eager to make this move and leave the Midwest behind, (at least for a little while,) I will dearly miss all the people I have met and the relationships I consider myself lucky to have been a part of. Everyone I have come into contact with over the course of my twenty-one years have played some role in shaping the person I have become today. For that, I will be forever grateful. By writing this blog, I will feel connected to you and hope you will to me.

Until next time! Cheers!

Balance ~Part 1~

Balance. It is a lot like oxygen; necessary for sustainable life, but taken for granted unless threat of deprivation is impending. Due to the nature of our program, we have had many conversations pertaining to perceptions of balance and discussions of hypothetical ways to achieve it. At face value, balance seems so simple; however its appearance is quite deceiving. To give you my imagery of perfect balance, you must first start by imaging a color scale with black on one end and white on the other. They are polar opposites, both physically and abstractly, but can also be seamlessly harmonious. For the sake of my description, the numeric value Ive given to black is 0 and white is 100. Now picture every color that would fall in-between the two, and don’t just think of 98 other colors, think of a color for every possible decimal point between 0 and 100. In my mind, perfect balance would be shade that falls exactly at 50.00. Would this color be what we call grey? Would it be something else completely? Would it be light or dark? To me, answering these questions is nearly impossible, solely because there are so many possibilities. The range of possibilities is another essential thing to consider in this situation, is perfect balance one thing, or made up of many things? Every person may choose a different shade of one color, due to the fact that people actually perceive color differently. So what seems absolute to you, may appear utterly wrong to me; yet another obstacle to declaring true balance. At the end of the day, creating perfect balance may be a task we have to accept is not humanly possible.

One of the first things that struck me (after I’d settled into Zanzibar to the extent that I could make somewhat accurate subjective observations, that is) is that people here are much closer. Interpersonal relationships are notably stronger and immediate social networks have a very wide span, typically across all of Unguja island and in most cases over to Pemba island. (These are the 2 islands that Zanzibar is made up of.) This strength can be attributed to cultural ideas about family and community, both from a religious and Zanzibari standpoint. The other main factor it can be attributed does stem from culture, but is also something in and of itself different; the value Zanzibari people place on technology.

The inspiration to compile all these thoughts in a post came to me in a dream, as it just so happens. Recently, I’ve been spending lots of time applying for various summer internships at different aquariums across the United States. On a day that I turned 3 applications in, I had a dream I scored an interview for an education position at one in California. When I walked in there were children everywhere, but they were all looking at real-time tanks on MacBooks. I think it was somewhat of a futuristic dream because the computers could bend; but the point is that even though they were in a building filled with marine exhibits the children were still totally hypnotized by the computers. None of the kids could take their focus away from the screens long enough to interact with me at all, even to the point of returning a hello. In my heart of hearts, I believe one of the driving reasons I became interested in working at an aquarium in the first place is their beauty, obviously.  But more than that, their power to detach people from their virtual world and make them want to live in the present. Living in the moment and being present among other things, helps you to form deep-rooted bonds with those around you.

In high school, I was glued to my phone constantly. When I started college that all changed, allowing me to truly expand my view of the world and really start to develop opinions about things bigger than myself. I generally don’t like to take hard stances on things because I think the world is ever-changing. To me, hard stances are a breeding grounded for close-minded-ness. Something I do feel quite strongly about however, is the ever-increasing trend of children being introduced to (and getting hooked on) smart products so early in their development. I have seen babies who do not know how to talk or walk be able to use an iPad better than I can. Comparing my childhood with the childhood youth these days have honestly makes me sad. My childhood is filled with memories of playing outside from dawn to dusk, creating games from random outside objects, and long conversations with imaginary friends. I know not everyone from my generation had this same experience, but a childhood similar to this among people my age seems to be more of a rule rather than an exception. Whereas today, it appears the opposite is true.

I realize it is taking me awhile to get back to the point of balance but bear with me!

In my Zanzibari family, I have a 6 year old and a 2 year old brother. The family owns a smart tablet; I saw it one time through out the course of a month for the sole purpose of looking at an old picture. Everyday when I got home from school I played with my brothers until they went to bed. Even though I don’t understand much of what the little guys are saying most of the time, they would always tell me long elaborate stories (and include illustrations in my journal whenever I let them get their hands on it.) My Zanzibari family is extremely close and tight knit. When I am at home, all my time is spent with them, both because I really love them and constant together-ness is the norm here.

Depending on the reader, either situation above might seem more ideal than the other. Ideality is another topic altogether, so to get back to balance, there must be consideration of the pros and cons for each. In what has become the norm in America, meaning people being so deeply invested in their virtual worlds, they are sacrificing lots of interpersonal bonds. We often are not attached to our communities in any way, I would venture to say a lot of you have never had an actual conversation with your neighbors. Our nations youth place more value on the amount of instagram followers they have than getting to know their aunts and uncles. On the other hand, being so technologically savvy can be invaluably beneficial. It gives us grand opportunities to be global citizens from the comfort of our own homes, to become aware of small scale (but important) crises going on all over the world, to be connected to people at opposite sides of the country/world, to learn about political unrest oceans away, to keep entire parts of our personalities hidden, etc.

To contrast, Zanzibari people are connected to the point they do not typically mail letters or packages domestically. The main form of public transportation here is called Dala-Dala, They are fundamentally like a transit bus. Anyways, if some one in Stonetown (Central West coast) needed to get a parcel to someone in Paje, (East Coast) the sender could give it to a dala-Dala driver in the morning and it would for sure get to the receiver by noon. Another intriguing product of the tight-kittedness of the community is informal crime watch. Homes here are rarely broken into because it’s common knowledge that some one will always be watching. Anecdotal stories Ive heard around town also make it seem like in the rare case of theft, things are reclaimed within a day.

People on the island grow up with a strong network, giving them lots of familial and communal support. They value family relationships, and usually maintain very close relationships with their parents through out their entire lives. A possible con of the tight knitted-ness is strict parental obedience, I have talked to so many women here who despise their husbands but are essentially stuck with them because doing anything else would be disrespectful to their parents. Such strong relationships through out the island also perpetuate a very local viewpont, which indirectly make conservation efforts somewhat of a challenge. Family, by nature has a tendency to force unconditional love between incompatible people; the unspoken mandatory together-ness norms can cause potentially toxic relationships. Introverted personalities here, do not really exist or at least function well because individuals are constantly surrounded by people.

Lets refer to them as “extremes”, either side has a wide skew of pros and cons. A perfect balance would need to contain elements from each situation, but in this case, various elements from one place are not feasible in another. For example, the internet’s potential to enable people to become global citizens simply is not possible in Zanzibar due to bad connection. Shifting the values of young people in America away from being so technologically centered would require a massive compliance and all around total change in culture. More often than not, when balance comes into question, it is when a problem has breached the point of being controlled. When a large-scale problem becomes apparent, things have often gone too far to restore even a semi-balanced state. If balance could be a state of being that people strived for on a daily basis, I feel it would keep a wide variety of things from being “problems” in the first place.

This post was quite challenging for me to write. As I wrote it, a continuum of perspectives about this dynamic idea flowed into my mind. In addition, there are a multitude of situations I wanted to write about to help illustrate my point, but I did not expect this seemingly small point to necessitate so many words. Now that I have gotten this post done however, I hope to write about my other observations and thoughts in reference to this post! I strongly welcome any feedback and further conversation :]

                                                       ~Until Next Time~